The Brides Trilogy
by karina001
Summary: Three windows into the life of Duo Maxwell and Zechs Marquise Maxwell beginning with the morning after the wedding.
1. Chapter 1

Title: The Brides

Title: The Brides

Author: Karina

Pairings: 2x6

Warnings: Spoilers for the series and Endless Waltz.

Background: AU from the canon.

Rating: Call it M to be safe as some people don't like yaoi implication and men in bed tend to squick some people out.

Warnings: If you have read any of my work you'll probably be aware I have a tendency to take people by surprise and things are not always as they seem.

Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing, though I certainly wish I did. I can dream, though.

Title: The Brides

Duo POV

There are blossoms still in his hair. They are so white and delicate against the white gold. Little gold centres and such a delicate perfume. Very elegant. He's all elegance, just like those little white flowers.

How did I end up here, with him? How did I have the great good fortune to have him love me?

When I first saw him I didn't know what to think. I'm so used to being introduced to people and then being dismissed. It's in the eyes, you know? You can see when a person really sees you, not just looks at you and dismisses you as… well… unimportant, I suppose is the word I am looking for.

I get that a lot, but that's alright, because I run and hide and being dismissed when you're standing right in front of a body sort of helps you do that. It's good for a thief to be dismissed as unremarkable. About the only comments I get are on my hair and no one really knows why I wear the braid. They all have theories, but they don't really know why I do it.

He was different.

When his eyes looked at me he didn't look away. His eyes stayed on me. There were the usual polite words, of course, that go with introductions; the usual meaningless drivel that you say, but somehow it was different. His eyes said he wanted to know how I was, not just his voice. He meant what he said and it sort of floored me.

I'm not used to someone paying attention to me.

You know, I sort of talk a lot. I have this habit of letting my mouth run away with itself, but it's sort of like a defence mechanism. Would you believe that if you talk a lot, people very quickly tune you out and you disappear while in plain sight? Of course, sometimes it does not work, like with Yuy. Some times I wonder why he put up with my chatter for so long. Sometimes I even tire myself out listening to me talk.

It never used to work with Yuy, but it does now. That's how I knew it was over between us, even before he did. He started tuning me out and even when I was quiet he never noticed me. I stood in front of him in my birthday suit with a bright red bow tied around my neck on his birthday. He didn't even notice. If that doesn't say you're done in your relationship, I don't know what does.

If I was someone other than me I might have considered suicide that day. How desperate do you have to be to get some attention? I don't think I actually considered it while I was standing on the bridge, but I might have. I can't actually remember. Strangely enough what I do remember was Relena. The Queen of the World and how well she took Yuy's rejection when he said he was going out with me. She had class.

You know, I was really surprised about how unaware he is of the way he looks. You'd think someone with his looks would be a conceited bastard, but he's not. Really he's not. It surprised me just how shy he is. He doesn't think he's handsome, but that's okay, because he's not handsome. I told him the truth last night when I told him he was beautiful.

Can you figure it? A guy with his classic looks thinks he's ugly. Guess it has something to do with the mask he wore for so long. He hid behind it, much as I hide behind my mouth. Yeah. We are pretty much two of a kind. We both hide, even though there is no longer a need to hide.

How did I end up here? How did I end up married to this blonde God who is so incredibly shy in bed? Oh, yes, he is. What's more, he was a virgin before I got him into bed. Can you believe that? I found it hard to believe, but I had the proof of it under my hands all night. In fact, I've still got the proof in my hands and I'm not intending to let him go. Ever.

I'm a street rat. I was raised on the streets of L2 and one thing that teaches you is to hold onto what you find that's a treasure. Well, I've found a treasure and he's it. My treasure. Just looking at him is enough to set my blood burning with desire, but its more than the sex. It's way more than the sex.

I love him.

I waited more than two years for him to get it through his thick head that I wanted him. That I loved him. I watched that bitch try everything to get in his bed and then try to take him away from me any way she could. She even tried getting Relena on her side and wasn't I surprised when Relena rang me and told me what Noin was up to.

Yeah. The ex Queen of the world actually wanted me to get her brother off Earth and away from Noin. I thought they were friends. Still, I don't know of many people Noin did not alienate during her obsession with chasing him. Still, she did me a favour. She chased him right into my arms and I was only too happy to lead her astray.

Now let's get this straight. I do not lie. Even now, I do not lie. I run, yes. I hide, most definitely. But I do not lie. I can bend the truth, but I never outright lie. I can turn the truth to mean what you think it means and not what I'm actually saying, but I do not lie.

That bitch accused me of lying. To my face.

If He had not been in the next room I'd have committed murder then, but he was in there and he was near to tears, so I held my temper and I got her out of the house. How, I'm not quite sure even now, but I managed it and I never told a lie to do it, either. I just did not tell her all of the truth. I called Relena then and had her pull some strings to get Noin sent back to Mars.

He'd gone to Mars after that brief little war of Barton's. He'd been sent to Mars so no one would know that he was alive and he went. I never knew where he had disappeared to until the day he came back and was introduced to me as Zechs Marquise.

Yeah, that's right. It was three years later some one had found documents that said that Milliardo Peacecraft was working in conjunction with Treize Kushrenada to remove weapons of mass destruction from the Earth and the Colonies. I asked him, when we finally met, if that was true. Was he and Kushrenada working together to establish peace? Lady Une always maintained that His Excellency was working for peace and that it was all a grand design cooked up by Kushrenada to bring that peace into effect.

You know what he said? He said that Milliardo Peacecraft was dead. Just like Treize Kushrenada. Both men had wanted nothing but peace, but both knew that they had to die to attain it for the world. He said that he did not sleep well, but that others did, knowing they were living free from war. He said it was worth being dead.

He fled Mars because of her. How he escaped her I don't quite know, but he had six months before she followed him. She had to wait for an interplanetary shuttle before she could follow. He was hoping to disappear before she got to Earth, but Relena happened. She wanted to know her brother. Guess I can understand that. They never really got the chance to get to know each other.

Between Relena and Lady Une, Zechs Marquise was reborn. They cooked up some story that he never did die during the war. That he was wounded and had amnesia and had been in some remote isolated place and had recently got his memory back. There were a few hair raising moments, but generally not too many people remarked on the uncanny resemblance he bares to Milliardo Peacecraft.

It's not easy being dead.

I've found that out in the last two years. He was dead from the time he was six, you know. I wonder when he had a life. Even as Zechs Marquise he never really had a life. He was working for peace, to the exclusion of all else. That shitted Noin off. That he would not give anything of himself to anything other than the cause. It's as though that was all he existed for.

I won't allow that to go on any longer. When he married me he gave me the right to make sure that he has a life to live. A real life. Not just the work he does for Preventers. Not just working to maintain the Peace he gave up everything for. Oh, no, my man's not going to live in a void any longer.

I saw the fear in him when he came back. I saw how he flinched every time someone approached him. Especially women. Yeah. Noin was getting overboard on Mars. I knew that reaction. I'd seen it before and it was not pretty. He's too much a gentleman to strike back at a woman. Especially one he felt he owed a lot to, and that's pretty much how he felt about her. He owed her, but not enough to marry her, thank God.

He's mine. I'll not allow her back in his life to cause him any more distress. If I have to I'll get violent and if she still does not get the message, I will take great delight in unleashing Shinigami on her. It's been a long time since Shini was allowed out to play, but he's still there. Waiting, just in case he's needed again.

Ah, he's stirring. Good, that means I can take up right where we left off. Is that… Well damn, how did my shirt end up on the light shade? Oh well, doesn't matter. Nice shade of blue, those shirts. Relena picked the colour scheme. God, when she said she was organizing the wedding I nearly had pups. I could just imagine us in pink suits.

Actually, the girl has really good taste. Surprising, isn't it for someone who drives around in that God awful pink limo. But she really does have a good eye for fashion and she picked a colour that made his eyes so intense. So beautiful. I wish it could have been in front of the entire world, you know, not just in front of a few close friends.

I know it was necessary that we keep it small and intimate, but I do wish I could have shouted it to the world that I was marrying him. We hoped to keep the bitch from turning up by keeping it small and private and anyway, he's too damn shy to stand in front of a crowd. I knew that and that's why I agreed to the small wedding.

Small it might have been, but it was beautiful. He looked great in that deep, dark blue suit. I really do like those suits they wear for formal wear in Sanc. He looks great in a cravat and I had fun taking it off too. In private, of course. I have learned just how easy it is to embarrass him, but I'll work on that. I looked good in that outfit too, which surprised me, but Relena told me in no uncertain terms that she had picked the suits to show us both off.

Gee, I'm glad she's on our side. She would make a formidable opponent. As Noin is finding out. Took me that long to get Zechs up to the altar that the bitch got back to Earth. How she got wind of the wedding I don't know, but we found out she was back within an hour of her touching down in New Port City. Quatre and Trowa were great. I don't know exactly what they did, but they made certain she never made it to the actual ceremony; or to the reception while we were there.

I guess I'll find out how bad it was later today. I'll call Quatre before I call Relena, to let her know her big brothers okay. She was worried about him, you know. Cute, heh?

As if I'd let anything happen to him on our wedding night.

I bet Noin started in on the children thing again.

Mmm, his skin tastes divine. Wonderful. Ah, how easily you quicken. You like that, hmm? I'll have to remember that. There is so much to learn about what you like. I won't allow her to get this close to you. Or anyone else, for that matter. You're all mine now. I can't believe I waited two whole years to get you between the sheets. God, I'm glad I did. It made last night just unreal.

She's going to be difficult, but Une and Relena will help. They already told me they will. I wish I could have married you in front of the world, but that garden chapel was beautiful, and the smell of gardenias is one I will never forget. What we lacked in quantity in the guest list, we certainly made up for with quality. I wonder where Yuy is? We tried to find him for the wedding, but he didn't answer any of the emails. Not that I care, since I just wanted to rub his nose in the shit.

Ah, what am I doing? I have you practically purring under my hands and I'm thinking of Noin and Yuy. Yesh, that's bad. Really sick. I'll deal with my anger over them later. Right now I have far more pleasant things to think of.

Yes, like kissing your fingers and sucking them. Just lightly, teasing. Mm, your wedding ring. The twin to my own. Plain on the outside, but on the inside, ah, that's different. I suppose it's sappy, but where you are concerned, I can be very sappy indeed.

I love you, Zechs Marquise Maxwell. I will spend the rest of my days showing you just how much.

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Zechs POV

I am so in love with him.

He's so different from anyone I know. So uniquely himself. There is no pretence in him at all. With Duo, what you see is what you get. I think that is what first drew me to him. His honesty.

Oh, I know what too many people say about him. He's loud and somewhat uncouth. He has no manners and he does not know his place. He's a thief and a killer. A street rat.

They are so blind.

How many people know the real Duo Maxwell?

I don't think I will ever know all of him. I could spend my entire life learning about him and not know the entirety that is him. I will spend my life with him, learning all that I can and knowing it will not be everything, even on my deathbed.

It's where I want to be. I could not imagine any where else that feels so right. I can lose myself in the depths of his eyes endlessly.

He's beautiful. He says that he's handsome and that I am beautiful, but he's got it all wrong. There is such an innocence about him that only truly beautiful people have. I don't mean he looks beautiful, but he does, I might add. I meant his inner beauty. He has been to hell and back, but he still has that innocence.

He does not see it.

I know that he does not see it in himself, but its enough that I do. I know why he talks so much most of the time, but that does not bother me. He's so bouncy. Full of life and joy. He's so different to me.

I suppose that we come from different backgrounds, but in so many ways we have shared the same sorrows and been in the same hell. Duo lost everything too. It's a shared bond that we have. He lost everything on L2 and I lost everything in the fall of Sanc.

I never thought I would look forward to each day as I do now. As I have done since he took an interest in me. I never really thought it would happen, you know. I never thought he would go through with it, but he did.

He married me.

I can surrender to him. I don't need to pretend to be anything other than who I really am to him. He understands. He understands about my past. He understands why I did so much and he has forgiven me. He forgave me as Milliardo Peacecraft and he forgave me as Zechs Marquise.

There is only one Duo Maxwell.

I don't know who I was meant to be, but I do know who I am going to be. I am going to be Zechs Marquise Maxwell.

He defines my world and I know that can be bad; that I have to continue as I have been, living each day and defending the peace we made. But in the privacy of our home and in the quiet moments that we share, I can be me. He does not mind.

If I feel that it's getting too much its okay if I take time out. I don't have to force it away from me and go on. I'm not alone anymore. I know that he's there and that he will always be there for me.

I'm a wimp when I want to be and it's alright. It's alright because Duo will be there to gather up the pieces and put me back together.

He looked so handsome.

Relena chose the suits and the colour and I will admit I was afraid of what she would pick, but I need not have worried. She has taste, even though she has a disturbing fondness for pink. I love the feel of the shirts under my hands. Silk. His shirt showed every ripple of muscle. It was a wonderful contrast under my hands. The pale blue shirt, silk smooth and the steel hard muscles and planes of his body as he pressed to me.

He has a wonderful body. He's all solid muscle and his skin is the most wonderful cream colour. Tanned, but not… Well, I know what I mean. I can't get enough of his skin on mine. He's so warm and alive.

I thought I was the walking dead for a long time. I should have died when the Libra exploded. I should have died, but I am very glad now that I did not. Now that I have Duo I know that its good to be alive. He makes each day new and interesting and keeps me on my toes trying to keep up with him.

He has so much energy. I wonder where it all comes from. I know that he calls himself Shinigami, but he's no God of Death. Not to me. Not unless you count him kicking me out of hell and back to life.

Mmm, his hair has come loose from the braid. I wonder if he will allow me to braid his hair? It's such a warm, vibrant colour and so soft to touch. I can't get enough of his hair. For that matter I can't get enough of him.

I love him. I've never loved anyone before him. Not like this. I loved my mother, of course and my father, but that's different. They were my parents. I loved Noin too.

I should not go there, but it's okay. Duo is here and she won't dare try Shinigami. I told her she was my friend, but that was not enough for her. She said I owed her. I do. I know that. I really do owe her, but that's not the way to build a relationship. She would not see it that way, though.

I'm sorry Noin, that you can't accept that I don't love you. Not beyond friends. Maybe one day you will allow us to be friends again.

Duo allows me to be his friend. We don't have to have sex to be together. He knows how to sit quietly in each others arms, just watching the moon rise over the bay. He knows how to appreciate that sort of beauty and not have to fend off groping hands because the time is not right for sex, but just right for reflection.

Why do people see Duo as shallow? Is it because he is never still? He can be. We have sat on the beach for hours, just watching the moon on the water. Neither of us said a word. We did not need to. It was just enough to sit together and share the moment. No one has ever done that with me before Duo.

He's loud, yes, but they don't understand. I'm not sure I do either, but I'm learning and I have all the time in the world to get to know him. He's given me that right.

Oh, God. His hands on me feel so good. Why did he wait so long? Not that I'm complaining, of course. Last night was magical and it looks like he's decided he's not had enough yet.

I surrendered to Duo Maxwell, last night.

I did not think I could ever surrender that type of control to anyone, but I have no regrets about it. The things he makes me feel I can not begin to describe. He is my… my… I can't find the words. He's just everything.

I have been dead so long. He brought me to life and its wonderful to be alive.

Ahh, so wonderful. That feels so… wonderful… God. Do that again, Duo. I'm purring? I didn't think I knew how to purr. What is he doing to me?

How did my trousers get there? Oohh, I can't remember much about last night, beyond those first few minutes, when we sat on the bed, locked in each others arms. I never wanted the moment to end. He's still got flowers in his hair. They smell so sweet.

Oohh. He's sucking on my fingers. He never did that last night. But he did suck on my toes. And other things. God, I must be blushing, because he's grinning like the Cheshire cat. You will teach me how to make you blush, Duo Maxwell. You will teach me how to make you scream your lungs out… later… will do.

I love you.

When did everything turn around for me? When did I start to live again? I had been dead so long and I just could not bring myself to care about anything. Accept making sure the peace lasted. You brought me back to life and you made sure I started to care.

Quiet nights by the bay helped a lot. I remember waking up in your apartment one morning. I still can't remember the night before, but I know I was stoned out of my brain and you found me. You found me and picked me up and would not allow me to go back to my apartment. I moved into your spare room. That's when Noin targeted you.

You had your own troubles, I know that, but you went out of your way to help me. It meant a lot to me. I'm really sorry about Noin, Duo. So sorry. I know she made life hard for you, but you would not allow me to leave and you helped me get over that low point.

I probably would have killed myself then, just to end it all. Just to be free of it. If you had not come along and taken me in. I love you for that. It's so much more than that, though. So much more. I can't begin to describe the ways I love you.

What are you up to? Your eyes are blue, but when your up to mischief or you are stirred to passion, they turn the most enchanting shade. Sort of Amethyst. You have the most bewitching eyes.

Bewitching? That's it. You've enchanted me. Cast a spell on me.

Thank you for that, my love. I want to be enslaved by you. I want to be yours in all things and your eyes are all the spell you need to hold me in thrall.

God, I am so, so happy to have you here. I was afraid it was a dream, until you touched me and I knew I was awake. I never wanted the night to end, but that's okay, because you still want me this morning. If you still want me then I can live this dream and I know it will never end.

Why do they say you talk too much? I can never hear you say you love me enough. I love you, Duo. I love everything about you.

Talk to me Duo. Tell me we will be together for eternity. Tell me that we will always and forever be one.

End

Karina Robertson 2004

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This is the first of three in the trilogy written in an experimental style and lightly edited to make it a little more grammatically correct than I was four years ago.

The fic The Brides was written in response to a challenge issued over the 6x2ml over a piece of fan art by Max Marquise. If you ever come across any of Max's work I hope you are able to find The Brides and you like it as much as I did.

I do hope you enjoy.


	2. Chapter 2 Forever

Title: Forever

Title: Forever

Author: Karina

Archives: Tresses, Gundam-Wing-Universe under kt

Pairings: 2x6 x9

Warnings: Spoilers for the series and Endless Waltz.

Background: AU from the canon.

Rating: Call it M to be safe as some people don't like yaoi implication and men in bed tend to squick some people out.

Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing, though I certainly wish I did. I can dream, though.

Beta: Dulin

Title: Forever

Noin

It's strange, you know, what life has in store for you. You can never pick it. Never. I know there are psychics out there who claim to know the future. Your personal future, not the big stuff that is world shattering event. It's the personal things that mean the most to us and I've never found a psychic yet who can tell me what I will be doing and where I will be going in a year from now, let alone ten years from now.

I hope I am right here in ten years. Twenty years. Hell, I want to be here forever.

I really don't know how it happened. I look back over the past few years and I cringe. God, I was such a bitch. I really was. I thought Relena was obsessive, but she has not held a candle to me. I nearly drove her brother to suicide.

It frightened me.

Looking back I can see every mistake I ever made in the courting of him. Courting? Mmm. Well, it was my version of courting, before Sally Po sat down and had a long talk with me. I think it was actually Relena and Lady Une who got through to me in the end; that I was just a tad overboard in my reaction to the pairing of Duo Maxwell and Zechs.

To be honest it was not so much that it was Duo that Zechs was going out with, as the fact that it was not me he was seeing. No one was good enough for him in my view. Twisted logic, I know, but it runs in my family. I vaguely recall my mother being obsessed with my father before the bombs fell and took everything away. He was everything to her and I wanted that for myself.

The difference was that my father was equally obsessed with her. I was little then, very young, but I remember watching them on the balcony, looking out to the sea and holding each other. I so wanted that for myself. Just to sit on a balcony and have strong arms around me. Not to speak. No, just to sit and watch the sun set in companionable silence and know that its deeper than just companions.

When Duo came into the picture I never tagged him for a threat to my dreams. Not at first. He once told me that I had driven Zechs into his arms and he was right. I did.

I look at the sunset now and I have to wince. I loved him from the moment I set eyes to him at Lake Victoria Academy. I did more than fall in love that day, though. I fell into obsession. Not so good. Obsession blinds you to the truth that the object of your infatuation may not see the world as you do. That's only the start of it, of course. The start of the stalking and the dreaming and the anger.

Yes, anger. Anger that he does not respond as you dream he will respond. Anger that you do not find yourself exactly where your day dreams say you should be. Anger that no matter how hard you try your advances are either ignored or turned aside, and eventually the object of your affection starts to run from you.

Zechs ran from me.

After the Mariemaia incident we went to Mars. I told him during that battle that I would wait no longer. I was very tired of waiting. He was always wrapped up in his ideals of war and honour. I just did not understand most of it. Not from his view point, of course. I could understand his need for revenge. He lost everything in the fall of Sanc. Then, when the Gundams came during the war it was like a slap in the face for him. He lost his focus after he gained his revenge. He lost himself and struggled to find himself and I had no idea how to help him do that.

Well, I did have ideas, but they were far from focused on what he actually needed. I wanted him. Pure and simple. I wanted him and he should, therefore, want me. Twisted. I admit it now. It was warped thinking. Not so much the thought, but the way I used it. I went after him, both barrels blazing and I frightened the poor dear off Mars.

I was drunk that night. Drunk with alcohol and stupefied by the heat from the malfunctioning systems. Mars was a nightmare. I hated it there and my anger grew the more they sent me back. Why did I go back? I'm not really sure myself. I'm rambling. It's the heat.

It's hot here. A sultry night coming up. The sun will be going down soon. It reminds me of the day when I learned that Zechs was going to marry Duo. I was on Mars and the damn systems were down again and we were melting from the heat and humidity. I wonder if they have fixed that infernal problem yet? I would hope so.

I can't stay on subject. Heat always did that to me. I by far prefer the more temperate zones of the world. I prefer them, but it's odd just how often I found myself in the heat. I spent years in Africa, first as a cadet and later as an instructor. I guess I was more resilient then. Mars, of course. I think the happiest days were actually in Sanc, when I guarded Relena for Zechs. I like Sanc's climate. Not too hot. Cold does not bother me as much as heat does. Even Sanc's snow-bound winters do not bother me. It's wonderful to curl up before an open log fire and have warm arms hold you.

I am very happy to be resident back in Sanc. No more Mars for me. Once they understood why I had returned I extracted a promise out of Lady Une not to send me back to that god forsaken ball of rock in space. Too many memories I would like to forget are associated with Mars. Like that night I was drunk and made a pass at Zechs. I was all over him like a rash. I shudder even now. Strangely enough, drunk as I was, I have no trouble at all recalling that night.

He was always a gentleman. Always treated me like a lady after the war, but never forgot that I was a soldier. He treated me like a friend, but a female friend, not just one of the boys. I was only too aware of the distance that he held between us and that night, things just got out of hand for me. I had way too much to drink. It was not all the drink though. I just wish some bright spark had not learned how to ferment potatoes.

Oh, God, was I ill the next day. I was certain that my head would not stay on my shoulders, but must explode from the pressure of the headache. I wanted it to. So that I would not have to remember the complete and utter ass I made of myself. I laid into Zechs because he turned me away.

"Your drunk, Lu. That's not like you, my friend."

That's all he said and it was enough to send me into a rage. I shudder even now at what I said to him and the way I physically laid into him. Only the first two blows landed, but that was enough. He's not called the Lightning Count for nothing. I got two hits in before he recovered from the shock and he and the others restrained me. Yes, others. In the middle of the recreation room I propositioned Zechs Marquise and when he refused me I lost all control.

When I woke up the next night he was gone. He'd hopped on a passing freighter bound for the colonies. The administrator would not allow me to go after him. He said I needed some time to get my head sorted and he was right, but I was so angry. So very angry. They put me in front of a shrink after that and expected me to work out my problems.

Fair enough too. I was a danger to myself and everyone on the terra forming team by then. She said I had a few problems, but that it was understandable. The isolation and conditions on Mars were causing all sorts of psychological trouble for the team, not just me. I think one of my biggest problems was leftovers from the war. I was carrying way too much baggage I had not dealt with.

I have had my sessions with the psychiatrists. I have had my quiet reflections. I have had my long talks with Relena and Sally Po. I have even had some really surprising talks with Lady Une. Now that is one woman who never ceases to amaze me. She is incredible. So honest about the way she was messed up during the war and her infatuation with Treize Kushrenada. I think it was Lady Une who helped me the most. She lost her love to death.

I lost mine to Life.

Now there's an amusing thought. Duo Maxwell, the God of Death. Shinigami. How could the God of Death have rescued Zechs? By giving him life, of course.

Zechs was as messed up psychologically as I was. He was not ready to deal with personal relationships. I know that now. It was not that I was a woman and he was homosexual. Nope. Had nothing whatsoever to do with it. He was still lost. A young man lost in the nightmares of a six-year-old boy. He was trying to deal with it, but I ruined his chances of dealing with it on Mars. He'd been having long sessions with the base psychologists and I made him run right when they were dragging out and dealing with some really delicate memories.

Duo helped him. I have to be honest and admit that Duo has been wonderful for Zechs. He's a different man now. There is such a wonderful smile there, where there was only haunted blue eyes before. Duo healed him. With the help of the psychologists, yes, I know. While Zechs was healing under Duo's attentive gaze I was undergoing my own period of revelation and reconciliation with my past.

They told me that Duo was going to marry Zechs and I had to come back to Earth. I was lucky to catch an Ore Carrier bound for L4 and made my way to Earth on the regular shuttle service. Of course, I should have known that I would be waylaid. Rashid is huge. Really huge. I think I could take him down, though. If I needed to. I was expecting to be turned aside at the wedding, not taken aside at the space terminal, but it was the same thing. I had expected not to be given the chance to see Zechs before it was all over.

They could not know that I had realized it was for the best. From Mars I had managed to monitor the situation and even I could see the changes in Zechs. Changes for the better. So I waited quietly, not causing a fuss while the wedding proceeded and the wedding supper. When it was all over, I knew, I would have my chance to present my case. I knew they would have visual records of the wedding and that I would eventually get to see them. Just to make sure that Zechs was happy, of course.

He was. Happy, that is. Very happy.

While they were away for that week I sat quietly while I talked to the others. Quatre and Trowa were first, of course. Rashid had informed them that I was quietly cooperating and I think that surprised them. I really had been acting like a rabid bitch at one stage. Then Relena came and we had lengthy discussions. I think I managed to convince her fairly early on that I was not here to threaten her brother's peace of mind. Sally, of course, understood me far better than anyone. We had been close after the one year war, when I refused to believe that Zechs was dead. I did not feel him die, you know. I would have. I know that.

I can talk so much more easily to Sally than even to the psychiatrists. She understands me and I am not really sure why that is. Still, that has no bearing on this. Suffice it to say that I passed her test for sanity. Yes, I can smile now when I think back on those days. Lady Une was the last to see me and we had a very long talk. By the end of it I think I had helped her as much as she had helped me. We reached an understanding and by that time they were back from their honeymoon.

I do not blame Duo for the anger he felt towards me. Understand that. I do not blame him at all. I had had a long time to come to terms with my behaviour. I knew that our first meeting after so long would be awkward. Difficult would be an understatement, but it had to be done and I have never been a coward. I needed to talk to Zechs and I understood that to do so I would have to get past Duo Maxwell.

We never really got on overly well in those early days onboard the Peacemillion. I know that he never understood why I left them and followed Zechs in the fight. He knows now though. He fell in love with the man too. He understands better now. To my surprise and I do admit I was really surprised, he was not so difficult to talk to as I had expected. I think it was about then that I began to realize just what had attracted Zechs to him.

Duo Maxwell can listen.

You know what they say about him. He's brash and outspoken and can not sit still for thirty seconds. They're wrong. Everything I have heard about Duo I now have to re-examine. He's far from what I expected and he's exactly what Zechs needed.

We talked. We talked for hours. About Zechs. About the war. About the aftermath. We talked long into the night and somewhere in the middle of that talk we started to become friends.

000000000000000000000000000

Duo

She's on the balcony again. I wonder what it is about that place that so fascinates her? Not just our balcony, of course, but any west facing balcony at sunset. If there is one around, Lucrezia will find it. Guaranteed.

She's looking wistful again.

She does that a lot, but that's okay. I guess we all have to have our quiet time. How did we end up like this? Not that I am complaining, of course. Zechs is happy. More than happy. Guess I am too. Yeah. Yeah, I'm happy.

Mind you, if someone had told me that this would happen I'd have helped them along to the funny farm. When I married Zechs two years ago I never would have tagged that this would happen. I thought she was the world's greatest bitch. She's not so bad. She's rather nice, actually.

Wu Fei called her a weak soldier. Maybe, but I don't think so. She certainly is not a weak woman. She has strengths, that one. We all had our time with the psychiatrists after the war. We all had issues we had to deal with. Avoiding the issues is no way to solve them and that's the truth. We learn from the past and we have to face our past. We have to look it in the eye and acknowledge it to move on.

I was a street rat from L2. In my childhood I was a street orphan. I lived in squalor. Abject poverty, thievery and murder were an accepted part of life. I became a Gundam pilot. I became a terrorist. There's the big T word. I was a terrorist and I killed thousands of people who did nothing to me. I believed in an ideal and I fought for that ideal. That fight led me to fight against the very people I have come to love more than life itself.

Zechs and Lu both were a part of Oz. They were actually the legal soldiers. Soldiers; not terrorists. In the end we all believed in the same thing, but the struggle to see that took us to some really bad places. We got pretty messed up by the war and the conflict within us. None of us really wanted to kill. None of us really wanted to fight. Even Zechs, with his need for revenge, did not really want to kill. He needed the closure, I think, but it sure messed him up. The road to his revenge and the revenge itself.

Not an easy road to walk for any of us.

Lu was messed up just as much as Zechs and I were. Time heals all wounds, they say and I guess that's right. It's healed us, at any rate. I think we've come far enough for this next step. It has been a long time coming, but I look forward to it.

She used to chase him around everywhere. In a way I guess she still does, but that's okay, because I do too. Yeah. Where he goes, I go. Well, it's actually where one goes, we all go.

Yeah. We moved in together. Go figure that one.

I had a real long talk with the lady when we came back from that wonderful week. Honeymoon heaven. Don't mind me. I tend to go all glassy eyed over that week. That man sure learns fast and he is a very good student. He found out very quickly how to make me lose it. By the end of that week he had me screaming.

He's not as shy as he used to be. Much more open and when he smiles it reaches his eyes and then some. I am very much in love with Zechs and because of that I knew how the business with Lu upset him. She had been a part of his life for a long time and I know he felt uncomfortable without her. He really wanted to go back to the way things were with her, before everything fell apart on Mars.

Lu and I talked and not just about Zechs either. We ended up talking about our childhoods and our families. About what got us involved in the war and how we all lost ourselves somewhere in there. I told her it was actually Heero who got me to look at my life and start to make changes. I saw my fair share of psychiatrists. They must have made a fortune out of the war damaged lives that needed to be straightened out, you know. You want to be rich after a war, I think you need to be a psychiatrist.

Any way, we had our talk and by the end of it I knew she was no threat to Zechs. Nor to our relationship. I still recall the look on his face when I walked in the door with Lucrezia beside me. Such a look of hope. None of us slept that night. We just sat around the kitchen table eating cold pizza and talking.

It's a great way to start a friendship.

As the days passed and we accepted missions for the Preventers we became closer. We have saved each other's lives any number of times in the field and that solidifies the bonds that tie us together. Lu was my rock when Zechs got shot that time in London, chasing after the would be assassin of his sister. I thought I'd lose him for sure. It was a week before they decided he would pull through and through all that time she was there. I think we held each other up, but all I really remember was her arms around me and her voice.

"He'll be alright, Duo. He has too much to live for to die now. He has too much to live for."

We make rather a unique team, you know. Lady Une usually assigns us to the big stuff, as a unit. Lu, Zechs and myself. When we started to become that team I really am not sure, but it felt right. When the doctors said he'd never walk again we both refused to believe it. Lu moved in with us and we worked with Zechs to prove them wrong. Day and night we worked to get him well. He never gave in.

I always wondered how he survived the explosion of the Libra. He still will not talk about that time, but I have learned that he has an incredible will to be healed. He never complained. Not once and I know that the pain had to be horrendous to begin with. He improved and he walked again. He would not have it any other way and neither would we.

There were nights when we held each other and howled like babies over what we were doing to him. Therapy? Bloody torture is more like it. He never said a word, but I know how much we hurt him. We helped him break the addiction over the medication they gave him and that was one of the worst things I have ever gone through. Why none of us picked up on it before I don't know, but it was not an easy thing to live through. We made it though.

We made it alright. We made it together. Zechs. Lu. Myself. As a team.

Lu stayed. Through it all we came to a deeper understanding of each other. We realized that we were more than just friends. More than just comrades. We realized that apart we were incomplete. Everything felt so much better when we were together and it just seemed logical that one night, we just curled up and went to sleep. Together.

Lu stayed on after Zechs was pronounced fit again. He rarely goes into the field anymore, but he works at Preventer Headquarters and no one there is a better team commander. Men desperately want to work under him. Une has not broken the team up, but we all know that it is not a good idea for Zechs to have to push himself. He's healed, but his body is not as strong as it once was. We won't chance him getting hurt again. He's still fast. He's still strong. He's more than capable, but why chance aggravating old injuries? He agreed to the desk job on the proviso that if it is needed he will go back into the field.

Lu and I make bloody sure it is not needed. We nearly lost him and neither of us will chance it happening again.

I look at her, standing on the balcony and I have to smile. Who would have thought it? A little more than two years ago we were sort of enemies. Yeah, alright. I called her a bitch and threatened to turn Shini loose on her if she came anywhere near him. How time changes things.

I wonder if the baby will have her dark hair? Or Zechs' white gold. Or my chestnut?

We are going to be parents. Who'd have given it credit? Duo Maxwell is going to be a daddy. I don't know if the baby is mine or Zechs', but that does not matter. We are a family, Zechs, Lu and I. As a family we will stay together. We have slept in the one bed and we have enjoyed some wild nights together. We have also had so many wonderful, gentle, passionate nights in each others arms.

There is no you or me in our relationship. It is US. We, together, make up our family. I know it seems odd and people look at us as though we are perverted, but they just can not understand what has grown between us over the years. I wish there was a way we could be married. In front of the world, you understand. In our hearts we are already married and if people think that is wrong and perverted, well, that is not for me to worry about. We are happy as we are.

We said our own private vows to each other. Just the other day, actually. We may not have a piece of paper to proclaim it to the world, but we know it. Lu has changed her name to Maxwell and we vowed; all three of us to be together, until death parts us. And hopefully in what ever afterlife there may be we will still be together.

Forever.

End.

Karina Robertson 2004


	3. Chapter 3 Despair and Hope

Title: Despair and Hope

Title: Despair and Hope

Author: Karina

Rating: 15+ in Australian ratings so would that be a M+.

Pairing: Duo x Zechs x Lucrezia, 1 x R, 5 x S

Notes/ Warnings: Rated for a bit of language and some not very pleasant thoughts entertained by both Duo and Zechs. There have been character deaths, but not of the principle two characters.

Spoilers: None really

Disclaimer: I don't own Gundam Wing or the Characters from the series. I just coax them to come out and play a little and then give them back unharmed.

Title: Despair and Hope

Duo

I hate.

I hate them.

I hate those bastards for what they have done.

I hate them for what they have destroyed.

I hate them for what they have taken away from me.

I hate them for what they have taken away from Him.

I hate them for the world they have destroyed, the people they have murdered, the changes they have forced.

I hate them.

God.

I was one of them.

Once.

A long time ago.

I was one of them.

I was a terrorist fighting for what I believed was right. For what I was told was right. I was young and stupid then. Are they young and stupid? Do they really know what they are doing? Do they know the heartache they are causing?

Do they fucking care?

Did I care?

Fuck it hurts when the shoe is on the other foot.

What goes around comes around, I suppose. My turn to live with the pain of loss.

It hurts when you are on the receiving end of their lesson to humanity.

It hurts when you see your family butchered. When you see them die. No time to say goodbye. No time to say I love you.

Just… no time for anything.

Except death.

At least I still have him.

Thank God I still have him and the children.

I couldn't go on if I didn't have them.

But I feel that I am losing Him because of them.

Those bastards have to pay for what they have done. I have to do something to make them pay. To make them hurt as much as I am hurting now. As much as He is hurting.

The kids don't understand yet. It's too soon for them to understand why their mother won't be coming home any more… why He hasn't been here for the last five days.

I have to make them pay.

They have to lose someone the way I have lost, the way He has lost. The way our family has lost.

Their blood needs to be shed…

Shit.

Don't I just sound like them?

Fucking bastards deserve to pay for reducing me to this. I left it behind me and now its back. The blood. The Death.

Shinnigami wants back.

Do I really want him back?

That's how the peace is destroyed. Strike and counter strike. Strike and counter strike.

A never ending cycle.

It's started already, thought after last time… after what we did… after what He did…

Where did the peace go?

It should have lasted longer.

Not just my peace… our peace… but the peace that covered our world. The peace we all fought for and were prepared to die for. We brought it, payed for it in blood, sweat and tears. So many died and for what?

Peace is crumbling around us, destroyed in the blast that took out a colony.

Murdering bastards.

Not quite Operation Meteor but almost. Almost.

It was close enough. It was enough to show everyone what cold hearted bastards want to be the next rulers.

He won't let them win. I won't let them win.

But do I have to give him up to make them pay?

Fuck that. I won't give him up.

God. Are you up there? Why'd you let it happen? Why did you let them do it?

They were not content with killing the representatives of the ESUN, oh no, that was not enough. Bad enough, but not enough for them. They had to do it in grand style by destroying an entire fucking colony and everyone on it.

Everyone.

Everyone, including Heero and Relena… and Lu… and our baby.

Shit. I'm crying again.

I promised I would not cry anymore. That I had had enough of useless tears, but my eyes are leaking like a sieve and I can't seem to stop.

Why aren't you here?

Who am I crying for?

Am I crying for myself? For Lucrezia and the baby she carried? For Heero and Relena? Am I crying for Une and Sally, or the two million people whose lives were snuffed out in a spectacular light show that was a candle's flame in the darkness?

The death knell of peace.

Do we let them win?

Am I crying for the other people? For the survivors who watched their families destroyed as I watched mine? I'm not the only one who had family and friends on that colony. I'm not the only one…

But I feel so alone. I feel that I'm the only one watching the world fall apart.

Am I crying for the little man who can only watch and wail at the unfairness of it all and demand answers from those supposedly with all the answers to every problem?

Let me tell you that those you expect to know everything actually know absolutely nothing.

Fuck you, little man.

We hurt, we bleed and we mourn just the same as you do and who do we look to for the answers, hmm? Who do we look to for the solution to this problem?

He's out there looking for your fucking answers, instead of being here mourning for Lu!

News flash people. We with the answers are just as fucked over as you.

Crap.

Well, that was wonderfully productive, wasn't it?

It's useless to sit here and wail about the injustice…

God. Wu Fei.

I'll have to check on him soon. He must be due to wake up and I'm not looking forward to that any more than I am looking forward to the kids waking. If he goes off his head again…

I can't do this alone.

Where are you? I need you Zechs. I need you here, with me, with our kids. Not stuck in that office solving all their problems for them. I know someone has to do it, but why you?

Why does it have to be you?

You are making yourself a target, baby. I don't want you targeted the way they targeted Relena and Une.

I can't lose you.

They killed them all. They'll kill you too.

I can't… I can't think straight. You assured me you would be safe but shit… They were supposed to be safe too.

The funerals are starting tomorrow and I can't bear to watch them on tv. There are going to be so many of them. I can't bare the thought of attending the funerals for the ones that mean the most to us.

Heero. Relena. Sally. Une. Lucrezia.

Oh God, Lu.

You should never have accepted the invitation. You should have stayed here, where you were safe. You should have stayed here where we could hold you and love you and look forward to the birth of our baby.

You should have stayed home.

So much dust floating around in space. We never found your body, though they are still looking. No one set out to look for survivors, only for the bodies of the dead… can't have bodies as navigation hazards.

Fuck.

I hate the cold practical bastard who said that. Bet he never had anyone on the colony.

No hope of you being alive after that blast. We know you were on the colony and that there is no hope of you surviving its detonation but… it would have been nice to have had a body to bury.

An empty grave is not much comfort.

He's been through that before and I know it still hurts him. He left it behind, but I know he still feels it, especially now. Those bastards have brought the hurt back. There's nothing I can do about that, its old news and I know he accepts the reality of it, but I did want to give him closure at least in this.

Howard and the Sweepers are still looking, sifting the debris for any trace of you. We haven't given up hope of finding you in amongst all that wreckage. We haven't given up, but I know the chances of them succeeding are slim.

Another empty grave for him to visit. Another empty grave with only a name on cold stone to mark a death.

I don't want that for him. He's hurt enough.

I've hurt enough.

The whole fucking world has hurt enough.

I hate those bastards for starting the whole thing over again.

I hate them for bringing back the hate.

It's late.

I stand here on the balcony looking at the stars and remembering how Lu stood here watching sunsets. She loved to watch the sun set, but you love to watch the stars. I was hoping you would make it home tonight and we could watch the stars together. Maybe say goodbye to her together.

Maybe make love under starlight and let each other know that we are still alive.

Another night when you won't come home. Another night while I watch the kids and keep an eye on Wu Fei and stop him from doing something bloody stupid. Another night I'm cold and lonely and wishing you are here.

It's been the same every night since they died.

You can't keep up this pace, baby. You're not strong enough to carry it alone. You'll break if they don't let you breathe. If they don't allow you to mourn. Delegate, Zechs. You have to delegate the work load and give yourself a chance to rest.

I can't let you continue doing this much longer.

I had hoped you would see reason on your own. I had hoped you would see what it's doing to you, to us… to the kids. I had hoped you would see it and slow down and come home to us.

We need you too.

I should have realized they would have shunted you into Une's chair. Commander in Chief of the Preventers.

Another target for the terrorists to aim for.

Preventers failed to protect Une. They failed to stop the colony being destroyed. They failed to prevent the deaths of over two million people.

They just plain failed everyone.

Zechs, come home. If you just walk through that door I'll make love to you until you can't think straight. Until you tell me you won't go out there again. Until you see what they are taking away from you… from us… from me.

I could join Preventers again…

No. Never again.

I need to get some sleep, but how can I sleep knowing you are out there, a target for the assholes who have already killed so many in the name of peace?

Peace? That's an awfully bloody word. Probably the most blood soaked word in any language known to man. Enough people have shed their blood for it.

Julian and Katerina need you. Helen and I need you.

They need their mother too and they just don't understand that she's gone for good. Katerina and Helen may not remember her for long, but we will tell them about their mother and about their Aunt Relena. We will tell them all about Heero and Une and Sally. We'll remind them so they don't lose it all. Julian will remember on his own, but when he needs it we'll be there to remind him of how it was, not how it ended.

How we loved his mother.

We all need you and Zechs I know I'm being bloody selfish, but we have as much right to you and your attention as everyone else. They are bringing Meiran and Odin and Leticia in the morning. I suppose they will keep you from that too.

I always wanted a large family but… this way?

How do I deal with them? How do I look them in the eye and go on as though it's the most natural thing in the world for them to be here and not at their home?

I guess this is their home now.

At least Chang will be with me. If he hasn't killed himself by then. If he can't get over the grief and realize that he still has a daughter, though they killed his wife. I thought he was stronger than that. We lost Lu and our unborn and we still function, but he goes all to pieces and forgets he has a daughter and tries to off himself.

Fucking idiot.

He should be stronger than that.

He's not the only one who has… lost.

Zechs, get your arse home. Let me know you're okay. Let me feel you.

We need you.

For God's sake, I need you.

00000000000000000000000000000000

Zechs

I had thought I did not know how to hate anymore.

That I did not need to hate anymore.

I was wrong.

You sure as hell reminded me of what it is to hate.

You reminded me of what it is to burn for vengeance.

I hate you. All of you.

For what you have done there is no forgiveness.

I hate you.

You killed them. You and others like you.

Look at you. So fucking proud of yourself. Sitting so straight in your chair, wrapping your pride and certainty around you.

I know that look.

Fanatic.

They'll get nothing out of you but the programmed spiel on everything that is wrong with the ESUN and how you will correct all those wrongs and make it better. No. Perfect. You are so cock sure your way is right, that only you can make it Perfect.

Fucking deluded asshole. You programmed piece of shit.

You killed her. You killed them.

You were someone's son once.

Before you gave up your humanity to become a mass murderer.

Your kind think nothing of killing your own mother if it means getting your message across, so why should you think twice about killing two million people?

All you see is the glory they programmed into you.

I don't know if there is a word that is low enough, base enough to describe what you are.

You killed my family.

They have no idea what they are doing placing me as Head of Preventers. They made a mistake. I can't contain this rage much longer. I'll rip the bastards apart for what they have done.

It's like Sanc all over again.

I can't live that again without losing my sanity.

Do they want another lesson? Do they really want me to teach them another lesson? There will be more than a new grand crater on Earth when I am finished this time if they don't stop pushing me.

God.

Duo!

Help me stay sane.

Preen, you bastard. I'm watching you and every move you make. Every flicker of your eyelash. Every twitch of your shoulders. You don't like the chains, do you? Well, fuck you. I've lived in chains most of my life, until He set me free. You learn to suffer them or go insane.

But you were insane before we chained your wrists together.

I've dealt with your kind before. I know you. I know the filth you are and I won't be civilized for much longer.

Epyon taught me how to deal with the likes of you.

No martyrdom for you. No glory to thrust you past the gates of heaven. No fucking glory.

I'll find a nice dark hole for you to be buried in. You can feel for the dark walls and the dark floor and the dark ceiling. You won't find any doors and certainly no windows. You can eat your meals in darkness and piss in darkness and shit in the darkness. That darkness will only be a mirror of your soul. Only a mirror of the blood you shed blocking out the sun.

You killed my family.

They were my family. All of them. They were like my sisters, Sally and Anne. You took them away. You killed my blood… Relena why did you have to attend that conference? For once could you not have said no? Heero… Yuy was my brother. The younger brother I loved to fight with, who understood me as I understood him.

Lu. Oh God, Lu. You never stood a chance. You and our son… never had a chance.

You and your brothers in hate killed my family.

I'll show you what hate is.

I hate… I hate…

It's like Sanc all over again. Repeating in cycles I can't escape.

Will this nightmare never end?

Duo, I want to come home.

I don't want to have to stand here on the other side of this mirror and listen to them trying to get blood out of a stone.

This one won't talk. He'd rather die believing in the glory and righteousness of the master plan for peace.

I want to go home. I need to get out for a bit… no, I need to get out of this and never see it again. Never have to look at you again, never have to hear you again… never have to see in you the destruction of so many people.

All of their lives… all of their dreams. They had a right to live their lives, not end up as so much space debris.

Lucrezia… Relena…

I hate and it's not good that I hate so much.

What day is it?

I'm not even sure if it's day or night. I can barely keep my eyes open and still they demand I be here. They demand I come up with the answers. They say there is no one else who can take her place.

No one else to fill her shoes; to stand in the breach and keep the peace.

Why am I doing this? If I was dead they would have found someone else. If I was not here for them to drag into this, they would have had no choice other than to find someone else to fill her shoes and sort out this mess.

You smirking bastard. I could so easily and happily put my hands around your neck and wring it like the vermin you are. You need exterminating.

I can't do this.

God, if I don't escape from this I will kill him. I'll rip the bastard limb from limb and be no better than he is.

Duo… I need… I need…

You promised… never to allow the anger… the grief… to take me again.

Oh get a life you murdering prick. If I have to listen to your preaching much longer I'll put a bullet in your brain just to have some peace.

Ah, listen to me.

I can't… He's coming back. I can't afford for Him to come back.

Jesus.

Duo I need you. I need you to steady me and pull me away from the edge. I need you to keep Him away. He would put a bullet in the son of a bitch without blinking.

One in the left shoulder… one in the right ankle then, to stop him running… one in the left thigh…

Shit. Oh shit… Duo. Help me.

They killed Lu.

They killed our wife.

They killed our son before he could be born.

They took her away from us and they expect me to stand here and take the shit this asshole is sprouting?

I'm going to kill someone if I don't get out of here.

"Sir? Where are you going?"

Where am I going?

I don't… know…

Yes I do. I know exactly where I am going.

They have made everything unreal. They have brought back the nightmares. They have destroyed my world again and again… but that's okay.

I don't have to let Him out. I don't have to live with His rage.

I can deal with it all this time.

I can.

It's not just me.

Despite them and their fanaticism and their killing, there is still an US.

It's not me.

I'm not alone. I'm not one.

I've not lost it all this time. This time its better.

I have Duo.

I have Duo and I have Her babies and… I've lost Relena, but I have her children. I have to be there for them.

I have Duo and I know he'll be waiting for me. Worrying about me.

Where am I going?

"I'll be back late tomorrow. I'm going to my family. I'm going home."

I have a life and I'm not going to allow anyone to ruin it.

End

Karina Robertson 2005

Note:

For reference the children are Julian 7yrs, Katerina 5 yrs, both Zechs and Lucrezia's, Helen 3 yrs, Duo and Lucrezia's. Meiran 4 yrs Wu Fei and Sally's and Odin 5 yrs and Leticia 2 yrs belong to Heero and Relena. The baby that died with Lucrezia was biologically Duo's son.


End file.
